Just telling it as it is

2015, no thanks, bye

The calendar year is going to end soon. For some peculiar reasons, I have a distaste for the number “5”. They always say, “6” is my lucky number, and so be it, I am very eager in looking forward to the following year.

The year has been rough and tough to say to the most extent. It was a direct dichotomy from what I had been through in the previous years. Working outstation in a tranquil transit town in Sabah (Beaufort) somewhat laid down a sense of seclusion in me. And the fact of being an introvert and lived alone for most of the time further withdrew myself from the community, which comprises largely of “uncles and aunties” golden age population. Life was a rote, it was, overall a tedious trade having to work there and what was more in the agriculture industry. A feat that I bet only myself in the world would take on. The journey was not all dreary, though, considering I had the privileges of going through an entirely different path than the others. And I humbly thank the opportunity as it enabled me to discover and understand more about myself. My characters, my strengths, my interests, among other things, my shortcomings and weaknesses.  After all, I guess I find my life correlates with Robert Frost’s infamous

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 

I should really be thankful for the entitlement which only a few stood to had. It was in Sabah and Sarawak that, I learned how to prepare a meal, going to the groceries, taking care of my ownself; that, I dealt with kinds of people I had never encounter like the cunning foxes in the business, the Chinese expatriates of the industry, the foreign labours from Myanmar and Thailand, and friendly indigenous peoples and the likes; that, I appreciated the mesmerizing sunsets of coastal towns, the ever-clear seawater of South China Sea, the majestic view of both Malaysia’s largest and second largest lands from the window of twin otters etc; that, among many other countless memories which I wish I have the honour to write them down. Now, I wished I could have stayed longer.

And so as one chapter ends, another shall unfold. I returned to KL at the beginning of the year after my 2 years stint in East Malaysia. Naturally, the next step for me was to look for a new job. While that was being handled, I realized, not a room for doubt, culture shock was taking its toll on me. I mean, what? I came home to my place and I got culture shock! It was true, as evidenced in the adjustments of my tucked-away lifestyle in countryside to the upright hectic, busy lifestyle in city. I became a tame tiny bunny among a wave of frantic frenzied coyotes on the road. Sigh. And during the course of adjustments, my health inevitably took another setback as I suffered from lips eczema. Missed the clean countryside air and healthy living so dearly. So I was struggling to cope with the shockwaves that I totally did not expect and it did not took me long to get a job as I eventually ventured into the real estate industry. Truthfully, I somewhat had my mind partially set to join the industry when I was still in Sabah after plans of purchasing property sprung up. It was from that point I started to took interest in real estate.

The journey in real estate is, as it turns out, NOT EASY! At the outset, things can look rosy and promising for a rookie. I only managed to close my first deal after 5 months in the business. In reality, real estate being a business as its true nature, it requires one to inject money to keep it up and running. This translates to being income-less in the first 5 months. Nevertheless, it was actually something I had expected, and I thought I could one day win it all back, which at one point I actually believed. As fate has its way, it turned out to be a bitter-sweet moment for me. I was one of the top sellers for an upcoming residential project and the developer out of the blue announced that the development will be postponed – Poof! Like a magic, everything disappears with no room for recovery. And that leaves me with only 2 concluded deals in my first year, and a bleeding bank account. I must say I find this industry not an easy ones, again.

If there is one thing I could find consolation from, it is that, I realized I became fascinated with the rules and regulations of the industry, especially after coming across with industry lawyers and to a certain extent, personal issues which also concern with laws, I took up my second degree in laws, for 2 main reasons – 1) to see things from a new perspective, specifically from the legal point of view, and 2) to complement my current job in the real estate industry. Juggling between work and study is not a walk in the park. A lot of discipline is required in order to cope with the study when one is working. Not to mention, the reason my bank account bleeds is because of the cost of study, which is increasingly expensive thanks to the weakening currency. I find that I still like real estate a lot, and I do not wish to forgo my current job for a job in the legal industry which I have been contemplating. At the same time, I am torn between the flexibility of my present job which offers more time to study compared to a fixed or rigid legal-related job I suppose? What could be in store for me in 2016? I do not know but I really hope to pass my intermediate examination which is in a few months time and then only perhaps to consider whether or not to switch the profession. May all be well in 2016.

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Just telling it as it is

If you ask me

How’s it like to live all by yourself, literally just oneself, alone?

It’s not easy, it’s like trying to be a Superman. You are the hero, you can’t have friends, although that’s certainly not the option for me. But my introvert and paradoxical nature pretty much price in for me. This is a place where I have zero association with, I’m only here because of job (or, career?). You see, sometimes I question myself, on the decisions I made. Why didn’t I made the other one instead? If you remember a line in Inception – “Don’t you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regrets, waiting to die alone!”. Regrets can eat me up slowly. On a more freed up moment, I can practically do nothing, the feeling was like one in imprisonment. On some other busier times, I tend to take things too seriously, barely a space for breathing. Paradox. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been up with some serious matter that can’t be resolved easily for some period of time now and certain workloads, under pressure from my own self. I even lost touch of finding ways to wind down myself. And now, I think my health is taking the toll on me, need to see the doc tomorrow. I’m really yearning to go home as quick as possible at the moment, and I’m gonna kick the ball as hard as I could when I’m on that field again.
Wish that I could cry, and fall upon my knees.

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Just telling it as it is

Bye, Microsoft

Today I shut down my last association with Microsoft, namely Hotmail. Hotmail was like the passport to the wonderful world of internet for me. Started having it as early as the age of 10 through my tech-enthusiast cousin, a simple email then led me to MSN Chat where I had the earliest exposure of Internet Relay Chat (IRC), managed to make some friends through common interest chat rooms and kept in contact until the advent of MSN Messenger. It was the time when most of my peers were starting to get their hold on internet and we added almost every one we know in real life into our own messenger. Sharing music and photos were arguable the best thing to do during that time! Then came MSN Spaces, which was the blogging platform for Microsoft. It was like the extended version of MSN Messenger status update in which instead of posting short and simple status updates, we can integrate photos and videos into it alongside a wall of journal and make every stories in our life heard and read. It was also my earliest exposure in blogging.

The idea of closing down the account never once surface in my mind until the discovery of all the blogs I registered under MSN Spaces were gone, very much vanished into the thin air! I didn’t know they were migrating the MSN Spaces to WordPress and I just missed the train. Mixed feelings struck upon me instantly. Memories aside, I felt like portion of my growing was missing and can never be recovered. Earlier in the year, the discontinuation of Microsoft’s ever-popular MSN Messenger was already harsh to take, and now with the disappearances of my MSN Spaces blogs, little meaning left for me to continue lingering with Microsoft. And not to mention Hotmail though very popular with first-time email users back in the early days, is very prone to security issues. Undeniably, they were really good back in the early days, providing services that were essentially linked to our lives but I guess time has change the game around and like every good things in the world, they all come to an end.

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Just telling it as it is

LIFE, pondered after one zodiacal round

On Monday, my random suggestion to have a sip of coffee in one of the top coffee brewers in Klang Valley congregated my secondary school girl friends. Plainly intended to be a casual CNY hangout, I experienced the most extensive chatting session of my life. From a rainy 1530 afternoon, the chitchat lasted close to 2000 hour. I wondered how did I survived it. The magic of my Piccolo Latte maybe? While the girls as usual dominated the chat before LL and her boyfriend LS arrived later, my concentration was glued toward my “new” iPhone 4! The iPhone 4 impressed me a lot with its smooth UI compared to the Galaxy S which came out at about the same time last 2 years. My sluggish Galaxy S always prompted me to change a faster phone. My valentine gift to my sweetheart exchanged me in return just what I wanted. My part in the conversation finally gained a fair bit of portion after LS arrived. I tried very hard to trigger my conversation cells in the chat. I believe they were always inside there, I just need to live them up! In the end, the effort saw me exchanging questions quite frequently with LS about our job since we are in the different sectors. After the couple left, I tried to blend into the girls’ conversation. Life, was again being put onto the table, after a round of zodiacal turn. At 24, we are all left with the prime question of our life to ponder – what’s life? Is it to do whatever that makes one happy? Is it to live life without regretting at the end of it? Or is it just waking up to another day, eating and then waiting to shit, eat more, and sleep to the next morning? I agreed when G mentioned that the lost feeling became more obvious in the deep once we stepped into the year of Snake, which is our second zodiac year of our lives (disregarding our baby year). In fact, I had that feeling 6 months earlier before the start of 2013.

I completed my university in June last year. I decided to give the agriculture field a try because of close-ties provided by my family and relative. Coincidentally, a seminar was on the horizon for nursery operators on July. I attended it along with a friend since 2 places were reserved. The seminar gathered some of the nation’s top operators under one roof to agitate about the industry as rubber was identified as one of the high income generating commodities under the National Key Economic Area (NKEA). In fact, an award ceremony was held too to commemorate the nation’s top 3 nursery operators in which I witnessed my cousin A being one of the prize winners. It was a good exposure as I am considered a total amateur in the field. In the following months, I had on and off involvements with my mother’s nursery and followed my cousin A on several business trips to East Malaysia. Kuching, Sri Aman, Betong, Bintulu, Beaufort, Papar, Keningau, these names are increasingly familiar to me with each visits. Those visits had provided me a basic but good revelation to the field that I am about to venture in as I listened to what cousin A had to say and offer to me along the trips. He asked me to imagine the industry after some years, when most of the veterans will be retiring and there is little young forces to drive the industry forward. I thought this is a pretty good industry with future as long as the government are at it and profitable too! So why not? I like how the girls put it – at 20s, experiences come first, money will come later. True, money is important in many aspects. The reality is that we lack money. This is where the fear comes in. It makes you think fast forward to questions like what if I still unable to save up some money for future investments etc. Life is full of uncertainties, my stories may be good in the eyes of you, but you never know I myself too live in certain degrees of the “what ifs” fear as my life is left hanging on the thread at the moment. We need to learn the act of balancing. While in fear, we do not forget that we still have dreams as it will drive you out of the dread. Depending on how you think of your dreams, each people have different dreams. It might be to open a shop and be your own boss, fulfilling our desires of having the luxuries, or even doing charity with their fortunes like Bill Gates. It is normal to have fear, but let us not forget, that as long as we are capable, we must never stop dreaming. And always “stay ready”, so you do not have to “get ready”, as quoted by the WWE superstar, The Rock. Life is a cycle and I believe there will again be the day when we ponder about the same question. Until then, just ask your closed friends out for another round of coffee and extensive chat, every thing will be fine.

I wish all my friends a prosperous, plain-sailing, and healthy Chinese New Year ahead.

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Just me

A thousand miles journey, starts with a single step, and that single step, TAKEN.

The last time I feeling home sick was back when I first entered the university. As a freshie, we were required to lodge in the hostel for at least two semesters. Today, the scenario changes a tad slightly. Taking the chance to learn about nursery basics at a village some 400KM away from home, the familiar feeling loomed inside me once again. It became the most palpable when I travelled alone back to my guest home after work. Cruising slowly on a 4WD along the winding road with trailing rubber woods, my heart inevitably sank deeper as I edged closer to my guest home provided by relatives. I felt such a reluctance to go back. I gradually decreased the speed of my vehicle, while feeling inside hoping not to reach home that soon. But for some reasons, the gloomy feeling did not last long. Perhaps a stop to purchase some groceries altered the feeling. Perhaps a decision I had already made, that is to come here to pick up whatever I could grasp hold of, faded the feeling. Perhaps, with a little dream I have inside of me cut out the feeling for me. It became easier. I went back in the end. Though I knew the battle with this feeling will not be over for at least some period of time. Never mind for this time, I won the battle. First victory is crucial. If I gave up instead, I would never win this game.

My first (and half) day here brought them the long-awaited downpour. Due to the torrential rain, my activity could only be restricted to the offices of the nursery. My helpful nursery overseer introduced me to the various personnel working here, all of whom are acquainted with my mother. The sales office is well organized with the sales and stock department combined into one office, while the administration office is a stand-alone entity. Rather unsurprisingly, workers here are mostly Siamese. My limited command of the Thai language prevents me from communicating with them. My first assignment came, when my overseer ferries one of the Burmese workers to fix a pump pipe at a nearby source bush nursery. After that, we went hopping one place after another, started off with seeing the project of him planting a source bush nursery, then we visited the hostels specially built to house the workers, and finally to be blocked at the entrance of seeing source bush growing under a replanting scheme by the government agency.

The thing about how the nursery businesses are run here is that, it is rather crowded with big and small operators, thus the competition is somewhat saturating; and finding a land here can be quite labourious as one may need to venture deep into the woods in order to acquire empty lands. To my surprise was the discovery of ‘another-world-feeling’ after venturing off-road into the woods – enormous paddy fields with mountainous backdrop to be behold – what a sight for a city boy like me. Along the way, we exchanged quite a bit of conversations on the agricultural issues in Malaysia and also Thailand, and I certainly gained much through it.

“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago; The second best time is now.”

This is a Chinese proverb I found on the net, and I find it very meaningful and encouraging. In fact, it is this quote that inspires me to take up the courage and chance to come here and experience something new. Although the transition could still be a fear, I believe with my ambition to be successful in the things that I am bound to be involved in, things would eventually just get better.

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Just me

Fiddling with Friday

The snooze button isn’t really helping, I continued to sleep like a log, disregarding the possibility of being chopped down in an impending foreign language test. Somebody has to slap me in the face! Never mind, lesson learned. As a result of utter indisposition to do anything,  I can only now pray hard to God so that I can pass the test.

I deliberately took a longer route after the test to avoid going home too early. Before going out this morning I wrote a note to old man, telling him that I have a test and couldn’t go and help mum out. But it wasn’t the same thing I was thinking inside – I wanted to go and help her out, I just couldn’t decide the direction.  The long journey didn’t do any good. As soon as I got home he questioned me one more time. I said to him “I’ll be free on the afternoon”. I didn’t know why I said that but after all maybe I should really go find her and talk about the situation. Fair enough. It turned out to be a no-show from him however – we didn’t go in the end, he went out for meeting after I promised to go but came back only on the late evening . So we both decided we’ll be going tomorrow morning. Never mind. At least I can get a good run later in the futsal game, just to keep my mind fresh from the mucky condition my foot are now in. I got a call after I finished my dinner from this monster girl whom I thought will only return from her vacation on tomorrow, haha, asking me whether I’ll be going for the futsal game later or not. I think she probably wishes to have a meet-up or something but poor girl gotta ignore her because of the game. Strange conversation on the phone it was, but it kinda lifted my gloomy heart I’ve been carrying the whole day. And things unfolded little by little on a more positive note later for the rest of the day, as I slotted in quite a number of goals, sprinted up and down for like 90 minutes, and most importantly they were all done without feeling a pull in the hamstring. The injury I sustained a couple of months ago really got me worried that I may not be able to perform heavyweight sports like how I did in the past. I’m thankful after a hiatus from the injury I can now still play my favourite sports. I just gotta be extra alert whenever I perform the sports. At the end of the day, there’s at least something to cheer about after a somewhat frivolous Friday.

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Just me

ifyoucanunderstandawordiamtryingtosay

Microblogging is like the in-thing to do nowadays I don’t know why am I so lazy to write nowadays (Ok i’ve been lazy all the while maybe it is because of microblogging its function i can like capture the moment or mood and if i blog i have to do it but then i thought since i can have the best of both worlds why not i just pretend nothing has just happened while tweeting or plurking (i dont like FB status updates it is so overrated people are using it like they dont mind others seeing what their do  i mean weaknesses or your emo-ness yes you can use but wise people utilize it to make themselves become more influence c’mon peeps must you post something like i ) life is not all smooth-sailing it gets bumpy at times when you least expect them you see. i just got a text from dad asking me to help mom out at her workplace i wanted to help you so much because i want to learn something especially now it is a good time as the business is still in the starting up stage i want to get involved in it atleast in the future i can pave my ways but at the same time i am faced with a dilemma my mom suggested me to take up a part time position in teaching english in one of the english-teaching institution out there since i am majoring in english i thought it is not a bad idea at all! given what ive acquired this semester i think i really need the practice of involving in the real world i mean working while applying what i have learn and at the same time continue learning and upgrade myself because i think i learn through that way i have been doing it all the while in fact from young  i think if i am to be a teacher i gotta make sure i have all the knowledge i should have. sometimes i am at lost i dont know if it is my fault or should i put the blame on something else say the education system as i grow up i come to realize i am only good at doing things that are repeating and it is pretty much like a machine and i seriously dont hope myself to become one later in the future ok. i admit my mind is blanked for several minutes before coming out with this sentences you see this is like my worst post ever i literally penned down what flowed through my mind and i just dont feel like wanna go back to the sentences and do a review or edit or proofread whatever you get me my mind is so confused now ok confused is not really the idea here i want to say something like crossroad something has to be decided and i cant afford to keep on staying in the comfort zone, cant argh gotta needa talk to somebody soon shit but i dont know how to start with  i must do something at least this is what i know arghhh FUCK

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Just me

有时我希望我可以反转地球,反转自己

时间巨轮停滞了两年有四个月

神明补天柱地方需短短一个周

我依然持续苦海寻匿在这世界

坚信存此宇宙浩瀚终能找得到

渺小

那个

Psytopic分析:您的性格类型是“INFP”(内向+直觉+情感+知觉)

理想主义者,忠于自己的价值观及自己所重视的人。外在的生活与内在的价值观配合,有好奇心,很快看到事情的可能与否,能够加速对理念的实践。试图了解别人、协助别人发展潜能。适应力强,有弹性;如果和他们的价值观没有抵触,往往能包容他人。

INFP把内在的和谐视为高于其他一切。他们敏感、理想化、忠诚,对于个人价值具有一种强烈的荣誉感。他们个人信仰坚定,有为自认为有价值的事业献身的精神。INFP型的人对于已知事物之外的可能性很感兴趣,精力集中于他们的梦想和想象。他们思维开阔、有好奇心和洞察力,常常具有出色的长远眼光。在日常事务中,他们通常灵活多变、具有忍耐力和适应性,但是他们非常坚定地对待内心的忠诚,为自己设定了事实上几乎是不可能的标准。INFP型的人具有许多使他们忙碌的理想和忠诚。他们十分坚定地完成自己所选择的事情,他们往往承担得太多,但不管怎样总要完成每件事。虽然对外部世界他们显得冷淡缄默,但INFP型的人很关心内在。他们富有同情心、理解力,对于别人的情感很敏感。除了他们的价值观受到威胁外,他们总是避免冲突,没有兴趣强迫或支配别人。INFP型的人常常喜欢通过书写而不是口头来表达自己的感情。当INFP型的人劝说别人相信他们的想法的重要性时,可能是最有说服力的。INFP很少显露强烈的感情,常常显得沉默而冷静。然而,一旦他们与你认识了,就会变得热情友好,但往往会避免浮浅的交往。他们珍视那些花费时间去思考目标与价值的人。

您适合的领域有:创作性、艺术类、教育、研究、咨询类等

您适合的职业有:心理学家、心理辅导和咨询人员、人力资源管理、翻译、大学教师(人文学科)、社会工作者、图书管理员、服装设计师、编辑、网站设计师、团队建设顾问、艺术指导、记者、口笔译人员、娱乐业人士、建筑师、社科类研究人员、教育顾问、各类艺术家、插图画家、诗人、小说家

***认识自己真难;肯定自己更难***

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Just me

They say, 6 is my lucky number

Tahniah! Anda ditawarkan untuk mengikuti kursus Bacelor Sastera (Pengkhususan Bahasa Inggeris) di Universiti Putra Malaysia!

I still briefly remember the status message that popped up on the screen of one of the PCs in TARC’s library after it was announced that local varsity applicants can check if they had been accepted into one of the IPTAs. (I’d have post a photo of the status message instead had it not been the tragedy that happened to my lovely phone nine months ago *sob*) Mixtured moments I had before and right after the revelation. Lots of things came across my mind like, “What subject will I be offered to study and where?”, “What if I failed to secure any of the spots?”, expectations and etc. While I nearly settle down at TARC after 1/3 semester, I do hope not to be faced with another crossroad, if things go the ‘proper’ way, and that turned out to be the case. After some killing process of waiting in front of the PC screen, I got into one of the IPTAs just like that via a simple message. Mixtured moments can only I say that was appropriate to describe my emotion. I was overjoyed and at the same time concerned by the revelation. The next few things I did was texting my parents about the news and posting a status update on Facebook. As the news spread, I received a blend of comments from everybody. Of course, most of them were positive, some were not so. I was congratulated, I was discouraged at the same time too.

“Why English!?”

The only and same question that would be directed at me every now and then when the word “English” doesn’t get along with their ears, even up to the present. Pardon me but when it comes to personal, I never liked to disclose it verbally, partly because I am not good at it, or maybe I don’t have to tell you why, or maybe you don’t know me, or maybe I do not know myself, or maybe, unpredictability is really a product of my childhood. After all, I thought it was the best for me after accounting in all the factors, judging from my academic performance, the selection process, attainability factor and etc. I get (calculated) what I want eventually. Expectation? You can forget about me.

Sometimes, nothing is certain, it’s just the way of doing it. I still value the simple advice given by my uncle and aunt, my parents, my friends and those who think I am on the right track. Today is exactly a year since the revelation, and if you wonder why am I digging out old story – a friend of mine has yet to tell me if she was admitted into one of the any IPTAs or not.

“He thinks summer (June) is the best time to plan, to plan ahead of the year, on what you have to do, to realise what you want to achieve. Fail to plan is plan to fail, always remember that.”

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Just me

认识锺秉翰

友问:“您的名字含义何在?”

我道:“乃家族之姓,秉翰属赐予名。“”意,拿(receive)、持(uphold)、掌(predominate)、主(authority);所谓治国不失秉,又意,秉正、秉公,指做事执法公正无私,乃属一种秉赋(天赋)。“”则意,鸟类之种,俗称天鸡(Golden Pheasant);含高飞、飞黄腾达之意;此外,又译文词,形容文史方面之才能。

***我是谁***

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