LIFE, pondered after one zodiacal round

On Monday, my random suggestion to have a sip of coffee in one of the top coffee brewers in Klang Valley congregated my secondary school girl friends. Plainly intended to be a casual CNY hangout, I experienced the most extensive chatting session of my life. From a rainy 1530 afternoon, the chitchat lasted close to 2000 hour. I wondered how did I survived it. The magic of my Piccolo Latte maybe? While the girls as usual dominated the chat before LL and her boyfriend LS arrived later, my concentration was glued toward my “new” iPhone 4! The iPhone 4 impressed me a lot with its smooth UI compared to the Galaxy S which came out at about the same time last 2 years. My sluggish Galaxy S always prompted me to change a faster phone. My valentine gift to my sweetheart exchanged me in return just what I wanted. My part in the conversation finally gained a fair bit of portion after LS arrived. I tried very hard to trigger my conversation cells in the chat. I believe they were always inside there, I just need to live them up! In the end, the effort saw me exchanging questions quite frequently with LS about our job since we are in the different sectors. After the couple left, I tried to blend into the girls’ conversation. Life, was again being put onto the table, after a round of zodiacal turn. At 24, we are all left with the prime question of our life to ponder – what’s life? Is it to do whatever that makes one happy? Is it to live life without regretting at the end of it? Or is it just waking up to another day, eating and then waiting to shit, eat more, and sleep to the next morning? I agreed when G mentioned that the lost feeling became more obvious in the deep once we stepped into the year of Snake, which is our second zodiac year of our lives (disregarding our baby year). In fact, I had that feeling 6 months earlier before the start of 2013.

I completed my university in June last year. I decided to give the agriculture field a try because of close-ties provided by my family and relative. Coincidentally, a seminar was on the horizon for nursery operators on July. I attended it along with a friend since 2 places were reserved. The seminar gathered some of the nation’s top operators under one roof to agitate about the industry as rubber was identified as one of the high income generating commodities under the National Key Economic Area (NKEA). In fact, an award ceremony was held too to commemorate the nation’s top 3 nursery operators in which I witnessed my cousin A being one of the prize winners. It was a good exposure as I am considered a total amateur in the field. In the following months, I had on and off involvements with my mother’s nursery and followed my cousin A on several business trips to East Malaysia. Kuching, Sri Aman, Betong, Bintulu, Beaufort, Papar, Keningau, these names are increasingly familiar to me with each visits. Those visits had provided me a basic but good revelation to the field that I am about to venture in as I listened to what cousin A had to say and offer to me along the trips. He asked me to imagine the industry after some years, when most of the veterans will be retiring and there is little young forces to drive the industry forward. I thought this is a pretty good industry with future as long as the government are at it and profitable too! So why not? I like how the girls put it – at 20s, experiences come first, money will come later. True, money is important in many aspects. The reality is that we lack money. This is where the fear comes in. It makes you think fast forward to questions like what if I still unable to save up some money for future investments etc. Life is full of uncertainties, my stories may be good in the eyes of you, but you never know I myself too live in certain degrees of the “what ifs” fear as my life is left hanging on the thread at the moment. We need to learn the act of balancing. While in fear, we do not forget that we still have dreams as it will drive you out of the dread. Depending on how you think of your dreams, each people have different dreams. It might be to open a shop and be your own boss, fulfilling our desires of having the luxuries, or even doing charity with their fortunes like Bill Gates. It is normal to have fear, but let us not forget, that as long as we are capable, we must never stop dreaming. And always “stay ready”, so you do not have to “get ready”, as quoted by the WWE superstar, The Rock. Life is a cycle and I believe there will again be the day when we ponder about the same question. Until then, just ask your closed friends out for another round of coffee and extensive chat, every thing will be fine.

I wish all my friends a prosperous, plain-sailing, and healthy Chinese New Year ahead.

A thousand miles journey, starts with a single step, and that single step, TAKEN.

The last time I feeling home sick was back when I first entered the university. As a freshie, we were required to lodge in the hostel for at least two semesters. Today, the scenario changes a tad slightly. Taking the chance to learn about nursery basics at a village some 400KM away from home, the familiar feeling loomed inside me once again. It became the most palpable when I travelled alone back to my guest home after work. Cruising slowly on a 4WD along the winding road with trailing rubber woods, my heart inevitably sank deeper as I edged closer to my guest home provided by relatives. I felt such a reluctance to go back. I gradually decreased the speed of my vehicle, while feeling inside hoping not to reach home that soon. But for some reasons, the gloomy feeling did not last long. Perhaps a stop to purchase some groceries altered the feeling. Perhaps a decision I had already made, that is to come here to pick up whatever I could grasp hold of, faded the feeling. Perhaps, with a little dream I have inside of me cut out the feeling for me. It became easier. I went back in the end. Though I knew the battle with this feeling will not be over for at least some period of time. Never mind for this time, I won the battle. First victory is crucial. If I gave up instead, I would never win this game.

My first (and half) day here brought them the long-awaited downpour. Due to the torrential rain, my activity could only be restricted to the offices of the nursery. My helpful nursery overseer introduced me to the various personnel working here, all of whom are acquainted with my mother. The sales office is well organized with the sales and stock department combined into one office, while the administration office is a stand-alone entity. Rather unsurprisingly, workers here are mostly Siamese. My limited command of the Thai language prevents me from communicating with them. My first assignment came, when my overseer ferries one of the Burmese workers to fix a pump pipe at a nearby source bush nursery. After that, we went hopping one place after another, started off with seeing the project of him planting a source bush nursery, then we visited the hostels specially built to house the workers, and finally to be blocked at the entrance of seeing source bush growing under a replanting scheme by the government agency.

The thing about how the nursery businesses are run here is that, it is rather crowded with big and small operators, thus the competition is somewhat saturating; and finding a land here can be quite labourious as one may need to venture deep into the woods in order to acquire empty lands. To my surprise was the discovery of ‘another-world-feeling’ after venturing off-road into the woods – enormous paddy fields with mountainous backdrop to be behold – what a sight for a city boy like me. Along the way, we exchanged quite a bit of conversations on the agricultural issues in Malaysia and also Thailand, and I certainly gained much through it.

“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago; The second best time is now.”

This is a Chinese proverb I found on the net, and I find it very meaningful and encouraging. In fact, it is this quote that inspires me to take up the courage and chance to come here and experience something new. Although the transition could still be a fear, I believe with my ambition to be successful in the things that I am bound to be involved in, things would eventually just get better.

Fiddling with Friday

The snooze button isn’t really helping, I continued to sleep like a log, disregarding the possibility of being chopped down in an impending foreign language test. Somebody has to slap me in the face! Never mind, lesson learned. As a result of utter indisposition to do anything,  I can only now pray hard to God so that I can pass the test.

I deliberately took a longer route after the test to avoid going home too early. Before going out this morning I wrote a note to old man, telling him that I have a test and couldn’t go and help mum out. But it wasn’t the same thing I was thinking inside – I wanted to go and help her out, I just couldn’t decide the direction.  The long journey didn’t do any good. As soon as I got home he questioned me one more time. I said to him “I’ll be free on the afternoon”. I didn’t know why I said that but after all maybe I should really go find her and talk about the situation. Fair enough. It turned out to be a no-show from him however – we didn’t go in the end, he went out for meeting after I promised to go but came back only on the late evening . So we both decided we’ll be going tomorrow morning. Never mind. At least I can get a good run later in the futsal game, just to keep my mind fresh from the mucky condition my foot are now in. I got a call after I finished my dinner from this monster girl whom I thought will only return from her vacation on tomorrow, haha, asking me whether I’ll be going for the futsal game later or not. I think she probably wishes to have a meet-up or something but poor girl gotta ignore her because of the game. Strange conversation on the phone it was, but it kinda lifted my gloomy heart I’ve been carrying the whole day. And things unfolded little by little on a more positive note later for the rest of the day, as I slotted in quite a number of goals, sprinted up and down for like 90 minutes, and most importantly they were all done without feeling a pull in the hamstring. The injury I sustained a couple of months ago really got me worried that I may not be able to perform heavyweight sports like how I did in the past. I’m thankful after a hiatus from the injury I can now still play my favourite sports. I just gotta be extra alert whenever I perform the sports. At the end of the day, there’s at least something to cheer about after a somewhat frivolous Friday.

ifyoucanunderstandawordiamtryingtosay

Microblogging is like the in-thing to do nowadays I don’t know why am I so lazy to write nowadays (Ok i’ve been lazy all the while maybe it is because of microblogging its function i can like capture the moment or mood and if i blog i have to do it but then i thought since i can have the best of both worlds why not i just pretend nothing has just happened while tweeting or plurking (i dont like FB status updates it is so overrated people are using it like they dont mind others seeing what their do  i mean weaknesses or your emo-ness yes you can use but wise people utilize it to make themselves become more influence c’mon peeps must you post something like i ) life is not all smooth-sailing it gets bumpy at times when you least expect them you see. i just got a text from dad asking me to help mom out at her workplace i wanted to help you so much because i want to learn something especially now it is a good time as the business is still in the starting up stage i want to get involved in it atleast in the future i can pave my ways but at the same time i am faced with a dilemma my mom suggested me to take up a part time position in teaching english in one of the english-teaching institution out there since i am majoring in english i thought it is not a bad idea at all! given what ive acquired this semester i think i really need the practice of involving in the real world i mean working while applying what i have learn and at the same time continue learning and upgrade myself because i think i learn through that way i have been doing it all the while in fact from young  i think if i am to be a teacher i gotta make sure i have all the knowledge i should have. sometimes i am at lost i dont know if it is my fault or should i put the blame on something else say the education system as i grow up i come to realize i am only good at doing things that are repeating and it is pretty much like a machine and i seriously dont hope myself to become one later in the future ok. i admit my mind is blanked for several minutes before coming out with this sentences you see this is like my worst post ever i literally penned down what flowed through my mind and i just dont feel like wanna go back to the sentences and do a review or edit or proofread whatever you get me my mind is so confused now ok confused is not really the idea here i want to say something like crossroad something has to be decided and i cant afford to keep on staying in the comfort zone, cant argh gotta needa talk to somebody soon shit but i dont know how to start with  i must do something at least this is what i know arghhh FUCK

有时我希望我可以反转地球,反转自己

时间巨轮停滞了两年有四个月

神明补天柱地方需短短一个周

我依然持续苦海寻匿在这世界

坚信存此宇宙浩瀚终能找得到

渺小

那个

Psytopic分析:您的性格类型是“INFP”(内向+直觉+情感+知觉)

理想主义者,忠于自己的价值观及自己所重视的人。外在的生活与内在的价值观配合,有好奇心,很快看到事情的可能与否,能够加速对理念的实践。试图了解别人、协助别人发展潜能。适应力强,有弹性;如果和他们的价值观没有抵触,往往能包容他人。

INFP把内在的和谐视为高于其他一切。他们敏感、理想化、忠诚,对于个人价值具有一种强烈的荣誉感。他们个人信仰坚定,有为自认为有价值的事业献身的精神。INFP型的人对于已知事物之外的可能性很感兴趣,精力集中于他们的梦想和想象。他们思维开阔、有好奇心和洞察力,常常具有出色的长远眼光。在日常事务中,他们通常灵活多变、具有忍耐力和适应性,但是他们非常坚定地对待内心的忠诚,为自己设定了事实上几乎是不可能的标准。INFP型的人具有许多使他们忙碌的理想和忠诚。他们十分坚定地完成自己所选择的事情,他们往往承担得太多,但不管怎样总要完成每件事。虽然对外部世界他们显得冷淡缄默,但INFP型的人很关心内在。他们富有同情心、理解力,对于别人的情感很敏感。除了他们的价值观受到威胁外,他们总是避免冲突,没有兴趣强迫或支配别人。INFP型的人常常喜欢通过书写而不是口头来表达自己的感情。当INFP型的人劝说别人相信他们的想法的重要性时,可能是最有说服力的。INFP很少显露强烈的感情,常常显得沉默而冷静。然而,一旦他们与你认识了,就会变得热情友好,但往往会避免浮浅的交往。他们珍视那些花费时间去思考目标与价值的人。

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***认识自己真难;肯定自己更难***